in all modesty
fcpc grade 5-mdesty goodbye special
Humility and modesty are frequently behaviors that can seem to be indicative of low self esteem and/or lack of confidence. This is a distortion, however. Humility and modesty can also be signs of quiet confidence and healthy self esteem. It's rare to meet a person who has humility and modesty who is also confident. It's more common to observe egotistical posturing coupled with confidence, or humility and modesty being saddled with lack of self esteem and little or no confidence.
Consider for a minute what the combination of humility and modesty with confidence might look like or indicate. It might look like a quietly confident person who has no need to dominate or be the center of attention. It would likely indicate an assurance about the value of their contribution to the world. There is a quiet and certainty to this, but no egotistical need to get "in the face of" all those around you.
There's a calm "knowing" about your skill level with no need to assert or insert this information into every conversation. The quiet itself, being unique in a hectic world, is attractive. What does it take to cultivate this and how does one go about doing so?
1.) Become very skilled at what you do. Whatever you do, go for being the best. Become known for producing results -- the highest level results you are capable of. Confidence comes from being very skillful and sure about your ability to produce results.
2.) As you develop skill, it helps also to become practiced at not comparing yourself to others. One of the most costly things to our confidence is constantly comparing ourselves to others -- especially when we do it in such a way that we never "measure up". This is a crime against ourselves.
When you think about it, what purpose does such comparison serve? We do it to feel either inferior or superior to others -- neither of which is true. Just give this habit up. Compare yourself to yourself -- to your own goals and abilities. This is the only type of comparison that might serve you. If you're comparing yourself negatively to yourself -- just give that up too. If this comes up, use it as a "sign post" to tell you that you need to "up your game" and take action on that area of your life.
3.) Pay attention to any need you might have to "make noise" egotistically about yourself. When you notice this, see if you can analyze what is driving it. Sometimes this is an unresolved need to prove ourselves to someone from our childhood. Sometimes it's about our need to prove something to ourselves. We may have insecurities that drive us to NEED outside approval. Better to develop the tendency to approve of yourself and not look to outside sources for approval.
4.) Beware of "false modesty" -- a tendency to reject sincere compliments. If you're getting kind words of praise, don't automatically reject this. Simply say, "Thank you" quietly and allow the compliment to have a positive impact without either rejection or making it mean you're better than others. Simply let it wash over you. Take it in and be receptive and appreciative.
5.) Learn to live your life for your own approval -- not the approval of others. This can be key to developing confidence. If the approval of others drives your life -- your choices, decisions and behavior are driven by your perceived understanding of what you imagine others want from you or for you. This is a sure path to misery. In this case, your own wishes and desires are not the deciding factor. It is critical to realize that it is sometimes our imagination about what others want, think and believe that we use to decide about our life. Where's the sense in that?
6.) Quiet confidence comes from the inside and is genuine. It's not something you can pretend to be. It's something you can grow and develop over time. It may take some time to fully embody, but it's so worth the effort.
What are the benefits in becoming quietly confident? We have greater satisfaction in our own life and experience fairly widespread respect from others. We are pleasant to be around and can be a strong positive force for others. Living from this place uplifts those we meet. We are more available to relationships and others seek out our company. We are more at peace in our own lives and can be a source of peace for others.
In praise of bravado
The Apprentice is back with its usual uber-confident candidates. It's easy to laugh at their posturing from the comfort of the sofa, but can we learn from this brash approach?
Sir Tasker - the modest VC holder
VC recipient Sir Tasker Watkins' 'intense dislike' of a painting showing him fighting in the war is revealed.
Europe diary: Headscarf chic
BBC Europe editor Mark Mardell talks to headscarf wearers and headscarf opponents to understand the Turkish debate on Muslim dress.
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